When one of our founding Learners first started at the tender age of four, she really struggled with communication. It had really affected her ability to express herself, her self esteem, and it got to the point where she couldn’t even speak to anyone except her parents and brother She struggled with severe social anxiety. But she got to work on challenges in her own silent world that called to her. Unbeknownst to anyone else, she was soaking the world in her very own unique way on her own terms. Many people didn’t understand her and would make comments about why she wouldn’t speak in front of them as if she wasn’t there. The common joke was, “What’s the matter, cat got your tongue?” and other insensitive comments. We remained encouraging and patient, knowing that it took time to create comfort prior to communication. We constantly told her how much we believed in her. We stepped back and trusted that, in her own time, she will figure things out on her own. Then about 18 months later, we noticed she started using sign language to communicate. Eventually one whispered word to a short phrase to now-complete sentences. When we ask her about that period, she gives a big smile and says “I can speak up now.” She would have been swallowed up in a traditional school. She would have been forced to speak, made fun of when she didn’t, sent for an evaluation for whole host of disorders simply because no one understood her. It likely would have had a huge impact on her self-worth for the rest of her life. But what story do you think she is telling herself now? From her reaction, I could almost hear her saying “I did that! I can do hard things.“ To us, this Learner is a hero. She took on a meaningful challenge, she slayed a dragon, and transformed. What will she be able to do now simply because she was given the room to figure things out for herself and to know what it feels like to work hard at something and overcome challenges? Yes, she learned to communicate and that matters, but I think that lesson is cheap compared to what she learned about herself and what she is capable of. That is the power of transformation.
The hero’s journey is hard, but transformative, and it requires compassion and patience as we support our young heroes on their journey. While we don’t step in to solve the problems for them, we do step in to show love, compassion, encouragement and care no matter how much we dislike their behavior or choices. River Oak Academy is built on the believe that we are a closely connected family of lifelong learners. That we care so much that we are willing to let someone struggle while we emphatically cheer them on. Let them feel that feeling of accomplishment of “I did it all on my own! No one had to force me or help me. I can do hard things!”
Stay the course, trust your hero, and show them love. Possibly the recipe for real transformation.
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