As parents, we are constantly cautioning children to "Be careful!" Naturally, we want them to be and stay safe but do they really heed our warning?
Most of the time, our warnings to "be careful" are misunderstood or ignored and they do what they intend to no matter the consequence, or it may give them a sense that the world is full of unperceived dangers that only an adult can see (which, in turn, can lead to unspecified anxiety we see so much of these days). Every time we say "be careful" we express, quite clearly, our lack of faith in our children's judgement and becomes the foundation for self-doubt. These unspecific and fixed mindset statements we like to say like, "good job" or "well done" doesn’t help children know what they did well.
Statements that are commands or vague miss the mark in helping children be more mindful and think for themselves.
Swinging or climbing or playing with long sticks, those things that tend to wear the label of "risky" are more properly viewed as safety play because that's exactly what the children are doing: practicing keeping themselves and others safe. It's almost as if they are engaging in their own self-correcting safety drills. And the only way to learn to keep yourself safe is to take risks.
We can’t catch them everytime they fall or bubble wrap their entire body to prevent bumps and bruises after all. How do we equip children to assess their own risk? An alternative is to say simple statements of fact that allow children to think for themselves; specific information that supports them in performing their own risk assessment. Instead of "be careful." we specify (describe what you’re seeing and what might happen),
“That's a skinny branch. If it breaks you will fall."
"I'm going to move away. I don't want to get poked in the eye."
"That looks very wobbly and if you lose your balance, it would be a long way to fall."
"When people are swinging high, they can't stop themselves and they might hit what’s in their way."
"Climbing up there sounds like fun but there is a slope that is hard to balance on and you may end up falling off."
"Tools are powerful. If you don’t know how to handle it carefully, you could hurt yourself and others."
"Have you checked if that is stable before walking on them?”
"Climbing ladders can be tricky. Do you need to practice on the lowest rung first until you get comfortable climbing higher?"
"When you run around and jump, you won’t notice people around you and you may end up running or jumping on them and they might get hurt."
"That's a steep hill. I wonder how you're going to steer as you go down hill."
When we change our language from commands into detailed, informational statements, we leave a space in which children can think for themselves, rather than simply react or scare them, and that, ultimately, is what will help children keep themselves safe throughout their lives.
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